Naked Singularities

(Lastly—a little narrative fun.) 

A physicist (P) is mistakenly interviewed by a fashion magazine writer (FW)…

P.         The foundation of physics may be shaken.
FW.     I’ve always said, “another day – another fashion.”

P.         We are questioning the cosmic censorship hypothesis from Penrose in 1969.
FW.     Stop those out of date old-fashioned ideas: until something old is
.            new again.

P.         I want to talk about the model and the repulsive force that 
             dispersed the star and dissolved the singularity.  
FW.     Those girls play havoc with people’s lives.

P.         Singularities are clothed only if conditions are suitable.
FW.     Like changing your clothes to fit the background?

P.         A naked singularity is inconceivably dense.
FW.     That new blonde – tell me about it.

P.         If a black hole gobbles up matter to excess it could burst from its
            own obesity.
FW.     That happened to me and I had to go on a strict diet.

P.         Nothing escapes the event horizon.
FW.     Oh I know – those shows are so difficult.

P.         But the naked singularity can suck in and spit out.
FW.     Those models are so anorexic and may become prostitutes.

P.         The uniform spherical star collapses into a black hole.
FW.     Oh – is that a sexual perversion? But being a star, you have to behave

P.         Then there is the non-spherical star which collapses into a
FW.     These stars are so unstable.

P.         Within an event horizon the singularity is clothed.
FW.     But this year they are talking degrees of nakedness.

P.         I’m coming to that. There will be shearing material close to a
.            singularity.
FW.     Tell me more – it’s always about the cut.

P.         It gives powerful shock waves  that ejaculate matter and light.
FW.     That sounds like a really great show –  but could we lose the word
.            “ejaculate”?

P.         There are different scenarios when  a massive star collapses.
FW.     This would be like – the biggest loser?

P.         What I’m saying is that size matters.
FW.     I don’t disagree. Everyone says yes to that !

P.         With a very small degree of inhomogeneity, a black hole results.
FW.     Perversion again.

P.         If you have enough inhomogeneity, a naked singularity arises.
FW.     Are you talking about erections?

P.         General relativity breaks down at singularities.
FW.     Oh – breakdown in relationships?

P.         This would make Nature unpredictable.
FW.     Oh yes – you never know for sure – do you?

P.         Naked singularities would affect the Universe.
FW.     Indeed they would – and the whole world too.

P.         Do you have any questions?
FW.     Is Singularity a new line?

P.         Well it’s a question of shape, size, and timing.
FW.     Sounds like my sex life !

P.         A singularity is an event rather than an object.
FW.     I always think the right atmosphere helps with an event.  So the show
         isn’t just an object.

P.         There may be a space-time edge – like a Big Bang in reverse.
FW.     Yes – having sex or staging a show, you lose all sense of space and time
 .           and I can just imagine that in reverse;  it would suck – not bang!

P.         When an event horizon is disrupted it gives way.
FW.     Is that like surrendering to an orgasmic gasp?

P.         By the label – event horizon – singularities must be clothed.
FW.     Well, I don’t know that label – but it’s going nowhere.

P.         There is no exit from an event horizon.
FW.     I would talk to my lawyer about that.

P.         All matter that crosses the event horizon falls into a black hole.
FW.     We call that compulsive eating, but if this black hole spits it out, we call
          that bulimia.

P.         If you add matter to a black hole spinning at its maximum rate, the
P.         event horizon disperses  and you have a naked black hole.
FW.     Sounds like another perversion or a shakedown of the whole
.           system – baby !

P.         We still seek a unified theory in physics.
FW.     Honey, I have it – “big or small, unite them all.”